I didn't move to Newport to be messy
I’m a firm believer that the only cure for hiccups is a spoonful of peanut butter. It has a 100% instant success rate for me, nothing else works.
Rough Cut
Movie review, TV binges, etc.
One of my first ever issues of Uncultured started off with power rankings of the Selling Sunset cast in Season 5, so it’s only fitting to do some first impressions of the new spinoff series Selling The OC.
STOC is an extension of the same universe — short king Jason has expanded the Oppenheim Group to Orange County, enlisting a new slew of hot, hungry, and horny agents to fight over million dollar listings while they down Whispering Angel like it’s pamplemousse La Croix.
Out of the gate, Selling The OC is more dynamic than its predecessor, with more homes, more drama, and more pulsating Forever 21 stock music.
The following rankings are based on episodes 1-5, with minimal spoilers.
Agent First Impressions / Power Rankings:
Polly: In my eyes, Polly is the breakout star. Her accent is iconic, and she’s a natural leader without ever seeming self-satisfied about it. She solidified herself in my top spot when she caught a cockroach that was terrorizing the office with a cup — who is brave enough to do anything other than smash them to death with a bat!?
Alex Hall: So far I’m not an Alex fan, but we have to give credit for how she always maintains relevance in a packed office. She’s messy and two-faced, and essentially has phone sex on speakerphone in her place of work, but always seems to land herself on the right side of the vote.
Tyler: Tyler proudly hails from five generations of real estate moguls. He’s married to Brittany Snow of Pitch Perfect fame, which makes him the Chrishell of the OC.
Brandi: She’s a little boring but she’s a diplomat, and we respect that. She drops a good one-liner and she’s out, which is a solid strategy to get screen time without ever being caught in the mix.
Gio: He’s the most successful agent at the group, and talks a big game but knows he needs to back it up with sales, which I appreciate. I’d wager that he was created in the Stranger Things lab specifically to star in a reality show.
Alexandra Jarvis: Her only personality trait is that she “drinks a lot of water.” I think she freezes when she needs to make small talk (same) and since water is often around, it’s an easy conversation starter, as well as ender.
Alexandra Rose: She’s initially positioned like she’s going to be the villain of the show, but she’s too bland to carry the torch. It’s like if Blair Waldorf ruled Constance while on horse tranquilizers.
Sean: He had a quiet first half, but I think he has potential to be a shit stirrer.
Kayla: Newbie or not, she’s insufferable, unprofessional, and unsympathetic. When they showed her botch her first client call in front of the whole office I had to physically walk away from the TV.
Austin: Model turned real estate agent, a walking Ken doll. So far Austin hasn’t added or detracted value, like when you spend the whole meeting on mute but you have a fun Zoom background.
Lauren: I don’t think she got even an ounce of screen time until episode 5 when she asked if seagulls had dicks.
Closing thoughts: As expected, some of the storylines are a bit contrived (luckily there are no dog parties this time around) but Selling The OC overall delivers a faster pace than Selling Sunset, and the new co-ed cast offers fresh energy that prevents the franchise from getting stale.
★★★★☆
Viral Bible
Internet wormholes, celeb deep dives, etc.
After my infamous stint with Big Razor, I did PR for Pinterest for like eight months. At the time, they were pushing really hard to achieve relevance beyond just your run of the mill Pinterest boards of Crock Pot recipes and Nursery Decor, so every other week they were unveiling a new feature or campaign to try to steal Gen Z’s attention away from TikTok.
The thing is, if you’re going to try to copy a competitor, the quality has to be the same or better. Instagram has done it semi-successfully with Reels, but expecting Creators to make the jump from shooting hyper-edited makeup tutorials on TikTok to janky slideshows on Pinterest is laughable.
But with a new app extension called Shuffles, it seems like Pinterest may have finally found its stride by leaning into its strengths rather than exposing its weaknesses.
Shuffles lets you pull from Pinterest’s expansive library of images to create your own digital collages — it does all the leg work for you, cropping items from larger photos into perfect cut-outs.
The app is currently in beta (it’s still glitchy) and invite only, so after scouring Reddit for an entry code, I finally got the in from my friend Liz who has nuptials on the horizon.
I found Shuffles pretty easy to use — it’s kind of like a more complex version of Instagram stories. You can add text, colors, animations, etc., and layer your images to your liking.
I’m not currently in the throes of wedding planning or refurbishing a barn, so I didn’t really know what I should collage. I settled on an ode to Tim Gunn.
Your Shuffle can be shared out within the app, to your Pinterest page, and across your other social channels (with a very ugly Shuffles watermark in the corner, might I add). Traction is already happening on TikTok, with 74M+ views of the #Shuffles tag.
It’s sort of giving DIY Tumblr — I can see this really taking off with BTS stans professing love for Jung Kook and alt high schoolers pairing Coldplay lyrics with pics of craniums and decaying roses.
In other words, I won’t keep Shuffling, but if you are, I love that journey for you.
Skinny Soundbites
Half-baked mini thoughts
Let’s dive into this week’s chaos:
You know who should have just taken the money and ran? J.K. Rowling, who never knows when to stop talking. After she was banished for transphobic tweets in 2020, she’s back with a new novel about a popular cartoonist who gets doxxed after expressing transphobic beliefs. . .she says it’s not autobiographical, but I guess when you have no fans, it’s on you to write your own fan fiction.
Jenny from the Block is being accused of cutting backup dancers from auditions for being Virgos, via some hearsay from Glee actress Heather Morris. Like me, JLo is a proud Leo. Virgos and Leos are historically not a good match, but in this scenario, keep the Virgos — they will work hard and take direction. The real cut should be other Leos. When you put a Leo on stage, you can’t trust them not to Kanye the mic out of your hand.
Rachel Williams, the woman who charged a $64,000 vacation to her corporate Amex while mooching off of Anna Delvey, is suing Netflix for defamation due to her unsympathetic portrayal in Inventing Anna. So, you’re mad that you were depicted as connivingly profiting off of the Anna friendship with a tell-all book deal, and your solution is to now profit off of the narrative that you profited?
And lastly, Funny Girl Lea Michele swears she can read, y’all! Don’t get it twisted.
Prekend Wrapped
What the fuck is a prekend?
Watching: The Patient (FX/Hulu) — Steve Carrell as a therapist held hostage by a serial killer seeking some worthwhile CBT strategies? I’m all in.
Listening: Celebrity Book Club, NOT TO BE CONFUSED with Celebrity Memoir Book Club. One is funny and one is basic.
Reading: “The RealReal is a Total Mess, and I Can’t Quit It” (The Cut)
