I flew all the way here from Ibiza!!
Midnights Power Rankings!
Now that the proverbial dust has settled on Taylor Swift’s tenth studio album Midnights, I thought it would be fun to do some track rankings. Literally every time I re-listen my rankings shift, but I had to call it eventually or this post wouldn’t be sent out until 2024.
This is my first time writing about music, and I’m risking ignominious besmirchment of the family name, given that my cousin by blood literally wrote hip-hop reviews for Rolling Fucking Stone for years. Just another way that my education and professional merits have come up short in a family of high brows.
Luckily, I’m joined today by a Taylor Swift super fan to add some color and intellectualism to the conversation with her own set of dueling rankings. Taylor’s true fans know every lyric, every easter egg, and every complex conspiracy theory from Taylor dated Karlie Kloss to Taylor is a Satanic Clone.
Devin has seen Taylor on every single tour since the teardrops first fell on her guitar, and recently hauled her massive collection of Swift vinyls in a maximum security lockbox from the Upper East Side to Houston, Texas. She was also one of the first people nice enough to become my friend when I moved to New York, spawned from a shared passion for baking soda.
She really didn’t agree with most of what I had to say, but we’ll let a jury of our peers decide!
Midnights Track Rankings
Spot #13
Emma: Labyrinth. Labyrinth is a skip for me. The title was intriguing but it ended up sounding like a Headspace meditation. This could have traded places with one of the 3AM tracks.
Devin: Ok, this is a hate crime. Labyrinth is simple, but full of hidden complexity that isn’t getting the praise it deserves. It manages to perfectly capture the whirlwind of falling in love after you’ve completely given up on being loved — fear (Uh oh, I’m falling in love), worry (Oh no, I’m falling in love again) and overwhelming joy (Oh, I’m falling in love). I heard it described as a perfect mix of post-“Afterglow” and pre-“Daylight,” and I couldn’t agree more. Also, “I thought the plane was going down / How’d you turn it back around?” should be in a museum. My #13 spot goes to Vigilante Shit.
Spot #12
Emma: Midnight Rain. This one, I don’t buy. I like the production, but it rings inauthentic to me – you’re really still up at night thinking about some boy next door who you could’ve married and had a boring life with if you hadn’t chosen to become Taylor Swift, international pop star and voice of our generation? No matter how grating celebrity can become, there’s just no way.
Devin: I’m personally offended that Midnight Rain is this far down on your list. Taylor writes songs for the people (aka me), and sometimes that means she has to pretend like she too lays awake at night thinking of a mediocre suburban high school boy who would sneak her into his house in the middle of the night because his mom didn’t like her enough to invite her during the day. (Even though this song is more likely about that time she dated literal Loki and dumped him because he was too vanilla). If you don’t immediately relate to that, I’d like to know what anxiety medication you’re on. My #12 spot goes to You’re On Your Own, Kid.
Spot #11
Emma: Snow on The Beach. This is a case of overpromise, underdeliver. It’s easily the most disappointing track – you raise our expectations by highlighting a Lana feature, then barely utilize her on a “duet” that’s pretty, but feels like filler on an otherwise emotionally charged album.
Devin: This is controversial, but I don’t like Lana Del Ray, so I’m kind of living for the fact that Taylor raised everyone’s expectations and then delivered what I would describe as “the flat La Croix” of duets. Snow On The Beach was actually my #1 pick after the first listen. It’s like the cooler, older sister of “Coney Island,” which is IMO a very underrated song. My #11 spot goes to Labyrinth.
Spot #10
Emma: Question. . .? This isn’t my favorite track, but I developed a newfound appreciation for it after I saw this TikTok which theorizes about Taylor’s facial expressions as she delivers the titular questions. But kissing in a crowded room is actually vehemently not my thing.
Devin: The immediate “I remember” throwback to “Out of The Woods,” the references to the infamous 2013 New Year’s Eve kiss, the fact that the bridge sounds eerily similar to the critically acclaimed (lol jk, I just love it) song “Keep Driving.” This song is about Harry Edward Styles and you cannot tell me otherwise. My #10 spot goes to Maroon.
Spot #9
Emma: Sweet Nothing. I’m sure this song is super relatable for people in loving relationships who come home after a stressful day of work and playfully cook chicken soup with their partner, feeding each other baby carrots while they dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light (see what I did there?). Clearly from that description, I have no idea what being in a relationship entails, and therefore I appreciate the lilting melody of this song, but it holds little meaning in my heart.
Devin: Whoops, I’m in love, so this song ranks a lot higher for me. My #9 spot goes to Snow On The Beach.
Spot #8
Emma: Vigilante Shit. I wanted to like this more than I did. Taylor is obviously a knowledgeable, primary source when it comes to misogyny, but her more “feminist” tracks (“The Man,” “Mad Woman,” etc.) always end up thematically blunt. In this instance, “Draw the cat eye sharp enough to kill a man” feels like a very literal interpretation of a femme fatale, especially for someone whose strength lies in subversive lyricism and inventive double entendres.
Devin: Vigilante Shit is objectively the best track title and worst actual track on this album. Don’t get me wrong, it is pretty great to imagine Taylor cuddling up with her cats, eating fresh baked cookies, and penning a song that is (allegedly) about her quest to completely destroy Scooter Braun’s life and well-being. But I wanted real lyricism, Taylor. Less “Better Than Revenge” and more “My Tears Ricochet” (“I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace / cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave,” I mean, COME ON). My #8 spot goes to Midnight Rain.
Spot #7
Emma: Maroon. “Your roommate’s cheap-ass screw top Rosé” will forever hold a place in my favorite T-Swift snarks. This is such a feel-good song while depicting what was probably a very toxic relationship. It’s similar to what we’ve seen from her before, but if it ain’t broke. . .!
Devin: You can’t tell me that “Your roommate’s cheap-ass screw top Rose” (iconic) doesn’t sound exactly like “King of My Heart” (“My broken bones are mending”) Anyways, I could write a thesis on Maroon, namely covering the deepening shades of red (burgundy, wine, scarlet, maroon) and how they represent the unraveling of a bright and passionate relationship that ultimately turned very dark. Also, no, I don’t think it’s about Karlie Kloss. My #7 is Sweet Nothing.
Spot #6
Emma: Karma. Karma’s a bop – and classic Taylor to subvert our expectations (like when “happiness” was the most depressing song ever). At first glance you think this is going to be petty, vindictive, etc., but instead it’s a little more “I Forgot That You Existed.” She’s giving Don Draper: “I don’t think about you at all.”
Devin: Ok, so I’m still a little salty that Karma wasn’t its own album a la “The Man” music video, but this song is a BOP. Yes, it’s fun to theorize that it’s about Scooter Braun or Kanye West, but honestly who cares? We got poetic genius with Folklore & Evermore. This song reminds me that sometimes we don’t need to over-analyze every single word of Taylor’s lyrics. Me and Karma can literally just vibe like that. My #6 pick is Bejeweled.
Spot #5
Emma: Mastermind. She’s only cryptic and Machiavellian because she cares! This reminds me of that interview where Taylor talks about how she’s often called calculated with a very negative connotation — I love that she’s playing into this perception but putting her own spin on it. Not only is she calculated in the business world, it extends to the business of her relationships, and she locked down Joe by following a 10-slide PowerPoint. You can’t help but stan!
Devin: Mastermind is a masterpiece and an anthem for toxic, manipulative people everywhere! <3 Lover is one of my favorite Taylor albums, and this song is a more honest take on those tracks. Love is complex. It’s okay to be calculated to get what you want. She really is a mastermind. My #5 pick is Question…?
Spot #4
Emma: Lavender Haze. This could have easily been plucked from the 1989 album, minus the pressure of radiobility. The lyric “The only kinda girl they see / Is a one night or a wife” is the cleverness I was missing from Vigilante Shit, playing with the dichotomy of the media’s depiction of her over the years as both a man-eating slut and a virginal bride.
Devin: I’d argue that Lavender Haze actually belongs on Lover. Tay described it as an “all-encompassing love glow” and said the song is about ignoring the tabloids, rumors, media, etc. in order to protect “the real stuff.” This girl has it BAD for Joe Alwyn. My #4 pick is Anti-Hero.
Spot #3
Emma: You’re On Your Own, Kid. At first I was surprised that this was track 5, since historically they’re supposed to be the most devastating songs on each Swift album. But then after a few run-throughs, I was like I guess this is the most devastating song. There’s just not as much trauma in this album as we’ve been accustomed to in the past.
You’re On Your Own, Kid plays like a grown-up version of “The Lucky One,” a more virtuous song from the Red album about overnight teenage stardom turned sour. In “The Lucky One,” Taylor approaches fame almost as if it’s been thrust upon her, whereas YOYOK meticulously pinpoints the lengths she took to get here as she grapples with what lies in the wake of the sacrifices made to attain massive success.
Devin: I actually agree with your take entirely (sorry I sound so surprised lol). I also fully subscribe to the theory that Taylor announced Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds’s baby name in this song. My #3 pick is Lavender Haze.
Spot #2
Emma: Bejeweled. Is this a controversial pick for slot #2? I tried not to read a lot before writing this, but I did see a headline that The Daily Beast thought this was the worst song overall. I truly never agree with their take on anything, but I’d love if they’d hire me for some freelance work!
Bejeweled is like a bubblegum take on Beyonce’s “Don’t Hurt Yourself,” which is a side of her that I enjoy. I’m always baffled by how often Taylor describes boyfriends disrespecting her in her discography – like, she’s Taylor Fucking Swift. I don’t care if it turns out that she's a psycho serial killer, you’re lucky to inhale the same air as her in your final breaths as she chokes you to death!
Devin: This is not controversial, The Daily Beast is just trash (Jk, love you, please hire Emma!). TikTok really went to work for Bejeweled, and I think that helped to make it a bigger song than it would have been otherwise, but it wasn’t the most exciting song on the album. My #2 pick is Mastermind.
Spot #1
Emma: Anti-Hero. Duh!! This is THE song. I always gravitate towards lyrics from Taylor that analyze something other than her relationships with men (or women, if you’re part of the Gaylor community) — whether it’s her relationship with herself, her relationship with fame, her label, etc.
So much of the media narrative that’s followed her since day one has revolved around her romantic entanglements, when in reality, most of those dingbats are just periphery players on the stage of Taylor. Which makes a song like Anti-Hero even more intimate; A-list dalliances will always be front-page news, so here’s a real secret.
Anti-Hero is self-aware, self-deprecating, vulnerable, and wacky, which is what keeps me coming back religiously after ten studio albums.
Devin: FINALLY she picked a good single!!! My #1 pick is Karma.
3AM Edition WildCard
Emma: I like quite a few of these, but if I had to pick, it’s Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve. This is one of the most powerful songs on Midnights collectively, but I see why she reserved it for the appendix — the rest of Midnights revisits many of the same narratives we’ve heard before, this time with a newfound maturity that comes from reflecting on scars that have long since healed.
In “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve,” it’s clear that the emotional trauma from engaging in a relationship with a much older man at the age of 19 is something she still contends with today — re: “the wound won’t close.” In conversation with “Dear John” and the Speak Now album, it’s affecting to see how far she’s come as a person and a songwriter, while also delivering the same brand of exhilarating crescendo that made us fall in love with her in the first place.
Devin: I loved every song on the 3AM version, but my favorite is Bigger Than The Whole Sky because it represents everything I love about Taylor as a lyricist. She has this incredible way of writing lyrics that feel so deeply personal, like she wrote the song with only you in mind.
The song sparked a really beautiful conversation about the grief that millions of people feel after experiencing a miscarriage, or losing a loved one, or experiencing an earth-shattering heartbreak. Whether or not Taylor herself experienced any of those situations, she was able to beautifully express what others haven’t been able to put into words for themselves, and that is a gift.
Whew, that was a whirlwind. Let’s recap:
So, who won the rank-off?