Flop Era Loading. . .
Happy New Year!!!
I didn’t make any New Years’ resolutions, but here’s my 2023 wish list:
Get my hands on some Ozempic
Buy a new couch
Grow my hair to my waist and see if it looks good
The Low-Brow Low-Down
It’s been a little bit of a quiet week, maybe celebs are catching up on emails just like us.
Edward Norton is Pocahontas’ great-grandson x12. He’s painting with all the colors of the wind after appearing on the PBS series Finding Your Roots, which made the discovery.
Jeremy Renner is recovering from a near-fatal snow plow accident. Over the weekend, he was completely crushed by his Snowcat snowplow after attempting to help a family member who was stuck in a car, with the plow rolling over him.
Prince Harry takes the stage yet again. We’ve had the big Oprah interview, the six-part Harry & Meghan docuseries, and now a sit-down with 60 Minutes (1/8) as part of the press circuit for Harry’s bombshell, explosive, no-holds-barred memoir Spare, which comes out on the tenth. I’m not sure how many times these folks need to “tell their side of the story” but the content has been delivering so I’m not mad at it.
Former YouTuber Jenna Marbles’ house was broken into by a stalker. I learned how to stuff my bra with socks from her! Jenna’s husband immediately pepper-sprayed the intruder and the police apprehended her.
Ashley Olsen had a super-secret wedding with longtime art-boy BF. They got married right after Christmas at their home in Bel-Air with no more than 50 friends and family present.
Who is Alix Earle? An Uncultured Investigation
Paris Hilton. Serena Van Der Woodsen. Alix Earle?
Every generation has its iconic blonde It Girl, whether real or fictitious, and Gen Z may have landed on Alix, a 22-year-old Brooklyn Decker-style bombshell who’s been deemed a compelling frontrunner in TikTok’s game of thrones.
She’s already partnered with brands like Selena Gomez’ Rare Beauty, attended Drake’s birthday party, and skyrocketed to 3.3M followers in a matter of months.
It depresses me that at 25, I’m now older than 89% of Bachelor contestants and not cool enough to fall within Alix’s target demo. But that’s why it’s essential that we keep light tabs on who’s running TikTok (outside of North West, of course) because nothing makes you sound older than innocently querying, “who’s Addison Rae?”
Let’s dive into what we need to know:
Alix attends the University of Miami’s business school, and she’s no longer in a sorority because she didn’t like being told she couldn’t post alcohol to her IG stories — which we respect!!
People like her because they find her relatable. At face value, she looks like the type of person whose version of being relatable is complaining about being so skinny that she has to order her jeans from France. But actually, she’s struck some sort of magic formula where girls want to be her and be her friend, versus simply wanting to rip off her skin and wear it as their own.
She gained some clout for dating and dumping a baseball player. His name is Tyler Wade and he plays for the Angels, if anyone cares. Life as a WAG can help get you on the map, but breaking it off has actually garnered more momentum. According to Alix, Tyler didn’t post her on social enough and resented her building her influencer career.
Can you imagine how many of us would have never been born if social media was a thing when our parents were growing up? My dad would always be posting photos of the golf course and interesting birds he encountered and then my mom would have felt underappreciated and ended things. . .which means I wouldn’t be here telling you about Alix Earle!
But anyway, she claimed on a TikTok live that there’s even more drama to spill surrounding her relationship, but she’ll only share the details if Alex Cooper invites her on to the Call Her Daddy podcast, AKA the first step in the modern era’s star system. It’s like she read Christine Quinn’s How to Be a Boss B*tch and is speaking her worth into the universe to get everything she wants and deserves.
I’m excited for her, but any time someone is in this phase of the fame trajectory I also feel a looming sense of dread on their behalf. Right now, her fans feel a parasocial sense of pride with every milestone — brand deals, red carpets, agency representation — but once Alix actually “makes it,” the same people that propelled her career will gleefully tear it down. This is Act 1 of Babylon baby and lemme tell you it all goes downhill from here!
Unpacking the Never-Ending Erewhon Smoothie Craze with Special Guest Connor
An article in Fashionista came out last week about how the celebrity Erewhon smoothie has basically become canon for influencer skincare launches; a $20 fruity concoction infused with Himalayan squid ink that makes your retinas pop and your chakras align, curated by your favorite supermodel.
The Hailey Bieber Strawberry Glaze smoothie is probably the most recognizable, but rich Angelinos also flocked to Kourtney Kardashians’s punk rock charcoal offering and, most recently, Bella Hadid launched a creamsicle collaboration to promote her Kin Euphorics brand.
Since it looks like the smoothie chokehold isn’t disappearing any time soon, I reached out to my good friend and longtime lover Connor, a born and bred Californian and devoted Erewhon smoothie connoisseur, to shed some light for those of us who are poor, outside of LA, or both.
Connor! When I think of you, your general ethos is enmeshed with the Erewhon Celebrity Smoothie. Can you tell me about how your obsession unfolded?
When the Hailey Bieber smoothie came out, I went several times a week for the first two weeks because I wanted everyone I knew to try it. I do treat them now as a special occasion type of drink, but people have seen me posting them so frequently that I get asked about the new ones right when they come out, so I always try to get there to give the people the review they want!
For those of us who haven’t had the honor of visiting an Erewhon, which celeb smoothie takes the gluten-free cake?
Hailey Bieber takes the cake every time for me. The Bella Hadid smoothie is $19, which is $2 more than the others, and you can’t substitute the almond milk for oat which I think is lame — my sister has an almond milk allergy and can’t even try it.
The Kourtney Kardashian one fit the Halloween vibe for sure, but the taste was average.
It seems like a somewhat shrouded purpose behind these launches is to promote various skincare products. Does drinking the Hailey Bieber smoothie every week actually make you want to buy her “Peptide Glazing Fluid?”
I am not that into skincare other than moisturizing for my eczema, so no.
Which celeb should Erewhon pass the smoothie torch to next?
I’ve been waiting for a watermelon flavor smoothie to come from Erewhon, so I believe the best celebrity fit would be Katy Perry.
The correct answer was me, on behalf of Uncultured. When I finally get the call to launch an Uncultured smoothie, what should I include?
Uncultured should incorporate the top ingredients. A mix of sea moss, coconut cream, passion fruit, collagen, and vanilla.
Prekend Wrapped
Watching: M3GAN — New campy horror movie where a little robot doll goes on a murderous rampage. Truly can’t wait. Fun interview with Allison Williams who stars via Vulture.
Reading: “The Instagram Reels Gold Rush” (The New Yorker)
Listening: Not Skinny But Not Fat just dropped an interview with Simon Huck, PR mogul and noted friend/associate of the Kardashians.
Excellent post to start the New Year! I did have to look up what a WAG was but happy for the content to prompt me to do so <3