2023 Academy Museum Gala Report Card
Plus Things of The Year, Reality Stars Acting, and Unlikely Couples
Y’all, I am sooooo sick of those “we’re gays! we’re dancers! we’re married!” TikTok videos. Like dear GOD. Most of them don’t even understand the crux of the jokes and are just stating facts — “we’re engaged! we’re gonna tour wedding venues.”
Remember the GMA co-hosts who were boning? Their exes are now dating. Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes became household names in the fall of last year, not because of their daily reporting on GMA3, but because of their conspicuous on-air flirtation and behind-the-scenes romance.
The same week that their podcast, Amy & T.J. launched, their respective exes, Andrew and Marilee, are reported to be dating each other after bonding over their shared trauma.
If anyone should be doing a podcast, it’s Andrew and Marilee. They have so much to talk about — grief, public humiliation, virality, finding love in a hopeless place. . .way more compelling than Amy and T.J.’s gripes with the ABC HR department.
Sabrina Carpenter spotted with Barry Keough. This is maybe rivaling Timmy and Kylie for the year’s most mismatched couple? She’s looks like she was made in a lab by an angel from Heaven and a Bratz doll executive who were forced to do a group project together, and he looks like he starred in one too many experimental performance pieces at drama school.
But wait, there’s more! Jeremy Allen White and Rosalia are dating, and so are Lupita Nyong’o and Joshua Jackson.
Uhm. Did all the divorced celebrities go to the same support group or something? Both these relationships say, “we’re only dating because we’re both famous.” If Pacey tried to approach Lupita in any other circumstance, he’d be promptly escorted out of the bar.
Joey King weighs in on Kissing Booth drama. Last week, Jacob Elordi was quoted in an interview bashing the Netflix franchise that made him famous. Joey King, his former co-star, took offense saying, “it’s unfortunate anyone would feel that way.”
It’s unfortunate that your husband looks like an inbred Winklevoss!
Tabria Majors publicly calls out EmRata. Guys, on December 22, 2022 I made a 2023 prediction that EmRata would get temporarily cancelled. I don’t think we fully reached cancel status, but the people are not happy with her!
If you missed it, Em did a photoshoot with M Magazine where she wore a plus-sized pair of jeans with the emphasis being that she’s so small she could fit her whole body in just one pant leg.
Famed plus-sized model Tabria Majors made a full grid post on her feed, blasting EmRata for writing a book about body positivity and then proceeding to participate in a fatphobic photoshoot.
Britney’s dad, Jamie Spears, gets his leg amputated. You know what Justin Timberlake song I am thinking of right now lol.
Kim K to star in Ry*n M*rphy legal drama. She’ll play a high-powered divorce attorney leading an all-female firm in a “high-end, glossy, adult procedural.”
I’m gonna say it: could this be the series that unites America?
And Ariana Madix takes her vengeance to Broadway. She’ll star as leading murderess Roxie Hart in an eight-week run of the musical Chicago. Apparently she studied musical theater at Flagler College in Florida, a state known for the arts, but with a 74% acceptance rate, she was probably learning to grapevine next to Patrick Star.
Rizz is Oxford’s Word of the Year. Why is the word of the year always just slang now? Rizz isn’t even a new word, it’s an abbreve.
Other contenders were prompt, situationship, and Swiftie, but we all know it should have been Ozempic.
Swiftie’s Rejoice! Taylor Swift is TIME’s Person of The Year. This profile was a joy to read, and Taylor revealed that she ran on her treadmill for THREE HOURS A DAY while SINGING HER ENTIRE SET LIST for SIX MONTHS STRAIGHT to build her endurance for The Eras Tour.
And let’s not forget the Pantone of The Year. According to the Pantone Girlies, the color that will dominate 2024 is Peach Fuzz. The specialists deemed it a “nurturing” color selected to counteract the “turmoil in our lives.” Fair!
I’m feeling like the Academy Museum Gala is now to the Golden Globes as The Met is to the Oscars. Lower stakes, and less try-hard, but still fun for us plebs to gawk at, like we’re the districts at they’re The Capitol (timely Hunger Games reference lol).
Today I’m joined by my Pop Culture Pal Simone Greblo to talk about the looks that elicited our strongest reactions. Our takes varied, but one thing we could agree on was how jealous we are of Hari Nef’s collarbones.
Best Overall
Emma: Okay, I absolutely hate myself for saying this, but I am going to have to give credit where credit is due and pay my respects to Uncultured’s public enemy #1, Rachel Zegler. I feel like she knows she has been a bit of a social media laughing stock as of late and is letting the haters fuel her by delivering stunners like this.
This look reminds me of when George Clooney’s ex, Stacy Kiebler, wore that insanely gorgeous Marchesa gown to the 2012 Oscars, and she looked like she was DRIPPING with wealth.
Simone: I can’t keep up on whether we like Rachel Zegler or not!
Greta Lee stole the show for me. Now THIS is red carpet glam… elegance…RICH! There’s something about a red dress on a red carpet that gets me every time (unless your name is K*nd*ll J*nn*r). It’s simple but she looks stunning and every part of it works — from the hair to the jewelry, it’s a perfect cohesive look.
Worst Overall
E: Anna Delvey would have three words for our girl Julia Garner: “you look broke-ass!” The yellow is sickening (not in the Drag Race way) and her bangs are giving Peggy Olsen? The broaches on the sleeve feel like an afterthought that were dug out of your dead grandma’s costume jewelry collection.
S: Julia Garner is addicted to never serving – She needs a stylist who understands her look and adds to it, not takes away from it.
The TikTok critics were loving Billie Eilish, but I had such a visceral reaction to this look that I have to put it in the bottom. The gold grillz topped it off for me, it looked like she was missing teeth and I hated it. If this is high fashion, then I’ll happily accept not *~understanding~* it! I do have to give her props because at least she has a point of view and something interesting to say… not everyone can say the same.
Best Straight Man
E: Lenny Kravitz will never not look cool. It’s playful and polished at the same time, and who doesn’t love sunglasses inside?!
S: Barry Keoghan. In the words of Justin Bieber, “i love arm”.
Most Straight Out of a J. Jill Catalog
E: Jesus Christ, what on God’s green Earth happened to Bryce Dallas Howard? This monstrosity ages her by at least 15 years, and the styling? Her lip makes her look like Theresa from The Golden Bachelor on her way to tell Gerry she wants to knock boots.
S: I know Margaret Qualley is trying to embody the whole classic Chanel girlie vibe, which as an aspiring Chanel girlie myself I maybe harbor some jealousy towards, but she always ends up looking like a little kid who raided her rich mom’s closet. Ballet flats for a red carpet are a choice!
Most Pick Me
E: Bottoms gave me a new appreciation for Kaia Gerber, but this 1950s sockhop getup is so not the vibe. I’m sure she will be a great wife to Austin Butler by always making sure the chef prepares his favorite meals – so thoughtful!
S: I have a hard time separating the fashion from the person wearing it, so sorry to Selena Gomez. She is famously a pick me which makes everything she wears pick me. I don’t hate the look, but it definitely has the makings of someone who takes themselves SO seriously… and who most definitely secretly LOVES being famous despite telling you at every turn that she hates it.
E: Truly. Like, girl, stop putting out albums then!
Most Sherri Hill Prom Moment
E: If it weren’t for the neck, Nicola Peltz’s dress was 100% at every 2014 prom. The rose detail looks cheap, the hem is awkward, and the color is blah. I expected more from this decade’s most preeminent bridezilla.
S: I’ve been seeing the shawl draped across the neck finding its way amongst the fashion girlies (particularly in the summer wedding circuit) but I don’t think she pulls it off in a way that is interesting.
I’ve gotta go with Rachel Sennott here — love her, but the red velvet/black tight/thigh slit combo is giving winter formal. She’s a young, fun, upcoming Hollywood starlet and I want her to bring a fun fashion moment like her pal Ayo has been doing on red carpets.
E: LOL. This would have been a winter formal slay though. Like, her dad worked at Fidelity so she got to take his credit card to Nordstrom.
Biggest Snooze
E: Look, obviously we all stan Meryl Streep, but this dress is basically screaming, “I don’t want to be here.” I don’t even think she worked with a stylist, I think she just pulled this out of her closet and didn’t even have her staff iron it. It’s kind of like the old lady version of Justin Bieber wearing sweat shorts to Nobu.
S: RT. I guess when you’re regarded as the best actress of your generation you don’t have to try. . .But maybe find something that doesn’t look like it’s from the mother of the bride section of Macy’s.
Favorite Big Swing
E: I really want to like Jennifer Connely’s look! The dress is kind of wearing her as they say, but I appreciate her boldness and ingenuity instead of playing it safe with some dusty rose sweetheart neckline BS.
S: Addison Rae is a student of the school of early 2000s culture and is consistently nailing it on red carpets. While a sheer look has become a red carpet staple, something about this screams early aughts Britney and she looks fantastic. Love that she’s slaying this hard at the Academy Museum, even if her only contribution to cinema is He’s All That which was more spon-con than dramatic acting. More people need to get on board and see the Addison vision!
E: Kourtney Kardashian called it first!
![Addison Rae's Dress at the 2023 Academy Museum Gala [Photos]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!dJ83!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F37fa6459-ded7-494f-b66a-7da011ebe608_800x1200.jpeg "Addison Rae's Dress at the 2023 Academy Museum Gala [Photos]")
Watching: Poor Things and American Fiction (double feature, baby!)
Listening: Paris Hilton on Call Her Daddy — damn Alex and her booking producer for making listen to this show yet again.
Reading: “The New York TikTokkers Lunch At Bad Roman” (Curbed) — This sounds like literal hell on Earth!!!
