Zoé Gillette is Caught Red-Handed

The cartoonist on Yes Way Rosé, CCTV, and Planet Fitness.

Welcome to Caught Red-Handed, an Uncultured interview series where high-brows and hipsters pull back the curtain on the prole, gauche, and low-brow guilty pleasures they’d normally cringe at copping to.

When someone tells you they’re an artist, you’ll politely murmur, “oh, how wonderful,” while silently wondering which sad café they work at or, better yet, if they’ve finagled their way into some sort of deranged Willa & Connor arrangement.

But for Zoé, you can leave your self-affirming pity at the door! She’s a real artist, and her cartoons and illustrations have made their way into the Harvard, Yale, and UPenn of crunchy liberal media.

Yet despite cementing her certified Manic Pixie Dream Girl™ status with cerebral stick-and-pokes and a penchant for crass refrigerator poetry, Zoé still has a few dirty surprises up her ochre Everlane sleeves.

---

Let’ start with an art question, since that’s why we’re here.

Rapper Ice T was recently criticized by a fan for only using the Impact font, to which he replied, “I do not give a flying FUCK about Fonts. . .Weirdo shit.”

Is there a font that might not be the edgiest knife in the drawer that you have a particular soft spot for?

Oh man. My personal hubris is thinking I can bring back Copperplate. 

Having lived in Astoria for three years, my guess is that you’ll get an eyeroll from the bartender if you order something “extra,” as the kids say. What’s your dream drink in a world free from cocktail shaming?

A very dirty shirley with a big glop of maraschino cherries.

When curating a playlist for a dinner party or intimate gathering, which of your favorite artists are you omitting for fear of coming off basic?

For me this skews less basic and more greasy high school theater techie who would do anything for an ounce of male approval. With this in mind, I’d leave out:

• Electro-swing

• The Amélie soundtrack

• Neutral Milk Hotel

Is there a recent TikTok search or algorithmic quirk you’d like erased in the event of your untimely death, after which your family and local authorities would scour your browser for clues?

Emma I’m going to need you to wipe my whole algorithm: nose jobs gone wrong, men being gross at the gym, CCTV footage of people getting squashed by vending machines, Reddit confessions read out loud by the robot voice, mountain goats, 19-year-old girls posting thirst vids, this one hypnotist, the list goes on.

That’s simultaneously everything I ever expected of you and a chaotic amalgamation one could never see coming. But speaking of vending machines, what’s in your gas station snack haul?

Cheeto’s or Welch’s Fruit Snacks.

In high school, you made waves with your iconic arm warmers, an everyday staple in your quirky 2000s wardrobe. Is there anything hiding in your closet that you wish you could pull out, but you know its time has passed?

Will you ever let me live down the arm warmer era? I want to bring back harem pants. Skinny jeans with a big sweater on top. Lace-up Vans. Yellow ochre. Mini backpacks. Peace sign shirts! Cuffed shorts with leggings underneath can stay dead though.

Your boyfriend is having a guys’ night and you have the house to yourself. What’s playing on the TV?

Love is Blind, or Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants if I need a fat cry.

I’m sure you identify a lot with the Alexis Bledel character who goes to Greece to paint and immediately woos the hottest guy in the village, by like, breathing sexy. If you had the chance to test out your charms on Love is Blind, would you?

I wouldn’t go on Love is Blind because I’m too superficial but I think I would enjoy being on Love Island. The men are boring but I like wearing loungewear and not doing anything.

You'd be right at home with the fit bods and good chat. Have you read anything smutty recently?

I’m a really slow reader so I can only focus on what I’m reading in my book club (brag). Most recently we read Difficult Loves by Calvino which was great but simply not juicy enough. Give me dick euphemisms! I want shafts!!!

Alright, that’s enough horny talk for one interview. Let’s get back to business. Your cartoon series of coffee shop patron archetypes went gangbusters in The New Yorker — what’s the biggest coffee shop faux pas you’ve committed yourself?

I’ve been the sniffly person! Also that guy who shuffles around everyone’s tables trying to find a power outlet. 

Last summer, before the word cheugy had become cheugy, you and your brother made an exhaustive list of everything under the sun that one could consider cheugy. To close things out, are there any items on that list that you want to fess up to liking yourself?  

Shoutout to the list!

• Old Navy: I go in there to put my face in all the chenille and to purchase a slouchy waffle shirt at 25 percent off.

• Yes Way Rosé: This brand of wine slaps.

• Planet Fitness: I just got a membership. It’s affordable!

• Side parts: My hair just does this.

• Coldplay: Listen I am many things, but first and foremost I am but an eldest child trying to figure out how to be cool on her own.

You can find more endearing and captivating illustrations from Zoé at her Instagram, @zerogazillion. Her work can also be found in The New York Times, The New Yorker, and at Air Mail, where she humbly serves as an art director.

---