Ranking Magic Spoon Flavors

Plus Equinox drama, 'The Golden Bachelorette', and the 'Wicked' Trailer

I need to start today off with a super serious product recommendation. I finally tried that super Instagrammy hot sauce Truff and it is increasing my quality of life by a significant margin.

I am a TERRIBLE cook as some of you know from my videos, which means I mostly just eat depressing things like salads and eggs, where a delicious hot sauce can quickly become the Parvati of the show.

If you are a regular Guy Fieri this might not be worth the $15 price tag, but if you also struggle to make meals that don’t taste like they came from a high-security prison, this could change your life!

Paris and Nicole will be back on our screens! 20+ years after they terrorized a Sonic on The Simple Life, the besties turned frenemies turned grownups are reuniting for a new Peacock reality show. The details are still under wraps, but we know it will be hot.

The Wicked trailer finally dropped. SpongeBob is notably not present, but I have to admit, this kind of looks good?? I hate saying that as much as you hate reading it but a girl’s gotta be honest.

Joan is the first Golden Bachelorette. If you didn’t watch The Golden Bachelor, 61-year-old Joan was inarguably the MILFiest contestant, but she self-eliminated super early in the process because of family drama. For that reason, we barely know anything about her personality or if she’ll be an entertaining lead, but I do know that these gross horny men would much rather date her 30-year-old daughter if they had the option.

The rich are not happy with Equinox rn. This week, the gym swapped out its traditional stash of Kiehl’s shower products for a new collab with Grown Alchemist.

To be fair, Grown Alchemist is more expensive than Kiehl’s, but according to this Redditor, bathing with Kiehl’s is “one of the main reasons to pay $300+” a month for your gym membership.

I hope these people do raise hell over Kiehl’s. If you’re going to invest your time and energy on any issue in the world right now, this is the one!

Are Ben and JLo OK? Divorce rumors are spinning out after JLo “liked” a social post from a social media relationships creator about lack of “integrity and respect” in challenging relationships.

A roundup from The Cut also cites “inside sources” dishing to the tabloids, rumors that the couple is no longer living together, and even Ben’s chaotic Tom Brady “roast” which caused some to question his wellbeing.

Jennette McCurdy freaks out over a confetti popper. To celebrate 80 weeks on the NYT bestseller list, Jeanette made a TikTok where she veeeerrry reluctantly popped a party popper like someone had a gun to her head.

She I guess hates loud noises (same), but when you pop the popper yourself you get to control the pop! Please please please watch the video, she screams as if Jigsaw rode in on his little bike and ripped her fingernails off.

Ranking Magic Spoon Flavors

I am never one to say no to trying a diet food. Usually they’re bad, but sometimes they’re really good and you uncover a game changer!

I get most of my groceries delivered from Imperfect Foods online, so when I saw they had a variety sampler of Magic Spoon cereal avail at a steep discount, I figured they had earned my consideration after the 62,000 podcast ads I’d absorbed from them over the years.

The four flavors I tried are Cinnamon Roll, Frosted, Fruity, and Peanut Butter. They’re between 140-170 calories for one of those gas station cups, with no sugar and around 12-15 grams of protein.

Since this is an imitation product, I was expecting each flavor to look like its name brand counterpart — frosted would be liked, peanut butter would be balls, cinnamon would be squares, etc.

However, every SKU looks the same: a bloated, bulbous cheerio with a dusting of flavored powder.

I’m gonna be straight with ya’ll, my experience with these was not good. And for $9 a box, I don’t see how anyone, even the keto freaks and the anorexics, are shelling out for this garbahje.

1. Cinnamon Roll

If this had an appropriate price tag, I could recommend it in good faith. I mean, cinnamon is already something low-calorie that tastes good, so there’s not really anything to fuck up here. They made their fat little protein cheerio and they dumped some cinnamon on it. Somebody give them a Nobel Peace Prize.

2. Frosted

The Frosted flavor isn't offensive, but it is disappointing. A frosted flake is crunchy with real oomph to it, while these just disintegrate like sawdust. Nobody’s ever mad at vanilla, but it’s a derogatory term for a reason.

I ate a strawberry after this as a palate cleanser, and that single strawb was more satisfying than this entire cup of wasted potential.

3. Peanut Butter

They definitely got the peanut butter aroma down, but that’s where the success starts and ends. There’s a suggestion of peanut butter for sure, but the dominant flavor is salt, which was kind of gross, but also inherently addicting enough to get me to keep eating it.

4. Fruity

Guys, I actually GAGGED at one bite of this. The artificial smell hits you immediately, and it tastes like their inspiration was grape fluoride from the pediatric dentist’s office. The fact that this flavor exists in the market makes me believe that Magic Spoon is just a FRONT for some really shady shit. These guys watched too much Ozark.

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• Watching: The Strangers: Chapter 1

• Listening: Hit Me Hard and Soft

• Reading: “Why Members Only Clubs are Everywhere Right Now” (GQ)