Jessie Urvater's Delulu Dinner Party

The sober social club founder on Larry David, Pop Girl Summer, and New York's best slice of pie.

If you’ve ever decided not to drink on a first date, for whatever reason, you’ve likely been met with some combination of confusion, disbelief, and even derision. Maybe you’re hungover, on a diet, or taking the night off, but no matter your rationale, you risk seeming uptight or unfun in the eyes of your potential paramour. 

A wave of relief washes over their face when you assure them that you do drink, just not today. Phew. Now they can picture a life with you. 

Unless, of course, you’re not only not drinking today, you’re not drinking, ever. For some heavy imbibers, this is a dealbreaker — like a size 6 on The Bachelor, your candidacy is over before it even begins. 

This common experience in the sober community inspired Jessie Urvater, a Boston University communications school graduate, to start a new way of navigating sober dating. Her venture Club Pillar, in partnership with former Real Housewives star Leah McSweeney, is an exclusive, members-only dating club for the sober, California sober, and sober curious.

Aspiring members will have to apply via the club’s website, and those who are accepted will enjoy premium events like speed dating, pickleball tournaments, and cooking classes. In April, the club hosted its first event at Tribeca’s Bisou. 

Ahead of the app’s formal launch on July 30th, I chatted with Jessie about her dream dinner party — and if you’re admitted to Club Pillar, maybe you’ll find yourself there. 

Let’s start simple: pick some celebrity guests to attend your dinner party. 

Larry David, Elon Musk, Drake, and Paris Hilton. 

Do you want your dinner party to have a theme? 

Yes. I’m thinking masquerade with a little bit of Gatsby. 

I’d love to see how Elon will interpret that. In honor of the launch of Club Pillar, the exclusive sober and sober curious dating community you founded, tonight’s dinner party should be alcohol-free. What types of mocktails or alternatives should we serve? 

Definitely a non-alcohol aperol spritz, watermelon-cucumber slushies, ginger tonics — you know, elevated mocktails that still feel like you’re drinking luxe drinks. 

This summer has been dubbed both Pop Girl Summer and Brat Summer, depending on who you ask, due to the rise of pop stars like Chappell Roan and Charli XCX. Which artists are you featuring on your party playlist to set the vibe? 

I’m more of a millennial than Gen Z, so like, Charli XCX, I don’t even know what she sings (but I’m sure I’d like it). 

I still listen to disco and classic rock, so I would say ABBA for sure. I would do a little bit of Sabrina Carpenter, she’s awesome. And then I would maybe add in Drake, I’m just a big Drake girl. 

That’s perfect, because Drake seems like the type of guy who loves to hear his own music at a party. 

Part of membership to Club Pillar includes invitations to in-person activities like ice baths, speed dating, and cooking classes. What type of activation should we include at the party to give your guests something to write home about (or at least post on Insta?). 

I mean, could this dinner party be on a yacht? 

Absolutely. 

Okay, so I would have infrared saunas on the yacht. We’d have a big time sober DJ. I’d have a posh jaguar, and we’d have some cabaret dancers, so it can still get kind of frisky without the alcohol. 

It’s finally dinner time. Run me through the menu. 

Since it’s summer, definitely lobster rolls as the main course. I also love a watermelon salad, tuna tartar bites, and caviar. 

As the founder of a social club, I’m sure you’re incredibly savvy at how to jumpstart conversations. What are a few ice breakers you’ll use to keep the energy up? 

A game of Never Have I Ever, or asking for worst date experiences / first date horror stories, especially as someone who’s sober or sober curious. 

I also like asking what’s an absolute “no” for everyone at the table. Like, the thing that infuriates you most. I’d love to know Larry David’s answer. 

As the night winds down, you surprise everyone with dessert from your favorite New York establishment. What are you serving? 

I love Petee’s Pie, specifically the banana pudding flavor.

When the party finally ends at 3AM, how do you wind down? What are your go-to methods as a busy founder to help your mind relax?

Binge watch television, probably Sex And The City. (I’m a Carrie mixed with Samantha). 

And then I’d look through all the pictures from the night of the guests, and myself, obviously, and decide which ones I’m going to post. 

You can learn more about Club Pillar and apply for membership at their website.

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