It's not 1937 anymore

Rachel Ziegler vs. Snow White, Lorde's Wedding Absence, and Scooter Braun Dramz

I was gonna do a Starbucks review for this today of the new Fall Menu, but it’s literally $7 for the pumpkin chai latte and I’m sorry, but as mom always says, we have coffee at home. E.GRE.GIOUS.

The Low-Brow Lowdown

Angelina Jolie gets a finger tat. It’s a delicate line art dagger and she got it directly on the palm-side of her middle finger, which is way less basic than the side finger placement.

Khadijah Haqq (Malika’s twin) gets divorced. She was with her husband for 13 years and shared FOUR kids, but having watched 250+ episodes of the Kardashians, I still never knew she was married.

Jack Antonoff and Margaret Qualley got married. Will they last 13 years? I don’t know, maybe six. Anyway, they got married on Long Beach Island in NJ, where apparently Taylor Swift performed a fifteen-minute roast.

But you know who wasn’t there? LORDE. Because they definitely had a torrid affair and a subsequent falling out.

You know who hardly ever posts on social media? LORDE.

You know who posted fifteen story frames over the weekend of her random concert series in Budapest or something? LORDE!!! Because she needed to show the world that she was UNBOTHERED during her ex-paramour’s idyllic wedding weekend, which she clearly WAS NOT.

Rihanna has her second kid. There’s no other information. BORING.

And so does Serena. She had a girl named Adira River Ohanian. I think it’s always sad that when the wife is more famous, the kid still has to have the husband’s last name. Like Penelope Disick? Jayden Federline? It seems kinda unfair, like you have to spend your life repping some mediocre frat bro when your mom is a global superstar.

Olivia Rodrigo avoids Swift questions with NYT. In a huge profile about the new album, Olivia name drops a litany of famous musical influences (Joni Mitchell, Billy Joel, Gwen Stefani, etc.) but avoids mentioning her literal idol, Taylor Swift. And then:

Her openness about her influences is striking considering such frankness has already come with risks: Taylor Swift and Paramore may have been inspirations on “Sour,” but after the album’s runaway success, those inspirations suddenly gained writing credits on two songs. Asked if she had caught Swift’s Eras Tour, Rodrigo was brief: “I haven’t yet,” she said, quickly adding that she’d been busy. “I’m going to Europe this week.”

You’ve “been busy”??? Like the line you give to a medium cute Hinge jabroni that you stopped responding to after two dates? Sure. Sure.

Never meet your heroes, people!!!

Rachel Ziegler needs to stop. I think this Rachel Berry dupe might be Uncultured’s public enemy #1. If you haven’t watched this clip of her talking about her Snow White reboot, please do yourself a favor and watch now.

She pissed off the family of the original Snow White creator by shading the NINETEEN-THIRTY-SEVEN film for not being progressive enough, and then also jokes about how her co-star’s scenes might get cut. Classy!

She’s the least self-aware interviewee and needs to spend the next 10 months in media training jail.

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An Official Pitch Deck for Scooter Braun’s All-New, Barely C-List Client Roster

The no doubt about it biggest story of the week was music manager titan Scooter Braun losing all of his A-list clients. I asked Betches if I could make a slide deck pitching a new roster from the perspective of Scooter’s 20-year-old intern Trevor, and they said yes — AKA, the first time I ever had fun making slides AND got paid for it.

Scooter Braun, the controversial pop star manager who’s best known for discovering Justin Bieber and snaking Taylor Swift, has lost four major clients (that we know of) in the span of a few months.  

The aforementioned Biebs allegedly hasn’t spoken with Scooter in months, Broadway legend Idina Menzel parted ways with him earlier this year, and just yesterday we learned that both Demi Lovato and Ariana Grande have drop-kicked Scootz to the curb. I guess he wasn’t delivering on his core brand tenets of “#hustle,” “play chess not checkers,” and, most notably, “why be normal?” (yes, these are real). 

To strategize and fill his nearly empty roster, Scooter received the below PowerPoint presentation from his intern, which was subsequently leaked in the comments section of a PopCrave tweet. 

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Prekend Wrapped

• Watching: Bottoms

• Listening: Selena & Miley both come out with singles tomorrow. Thank GOD for some good news around here.

• Reading: “Why We Love Watching Private Chefs in The Hamptons” (Mashable)