Goodbye, Mr. Perfectly Fine
Kimade Taste Test, T-Swift Updates, and Shrek Crocs
Ya’ll, I have bad news (good news for the haters). The Kim K energy drink tastes like absolute garbage. Obvi I bought it because I’ll support my #1 and it was avail at Target, but Jesus Fucking Christ. It’s like they melted down a sugar-free jolly rancher into liquid. You can’t beat Red Bull — you go against the bull, you get the horns!!!
The Low-Brow Lowdown
Speaking of Kimberly, she’s allegedly casually dating Odell Beckham Jr. According to “sources” they’ve been “mostly hanging out in groups.” Maybe after social studies she can have her best friend ask his best friend if Odell will take her to the homecoming dance!
The Shrek Crocs are here. You can now channel your favorite swamp creature with this stunty collab, if you’re willing to part with $60 in pursuit of a bit.
Ashton steps down from his anti sex trafficking org. Following his creepy hostage apology amid the Danny Masterson rape trial fallout, Ashton Kutcher gave up his board chair on the anti-trafficking group he co-founded.
He’s probs sitting at his 1,000-year oak kitchen table with Mila rn whining about how he’s being unfairly targeted, whilst planning their off-the-grid hideaway trip to Majorca or something.
The Drew Barrymore Show succumbs to pressure. Speaking of poorly-received apologies, Drew Barrymore apologized not once but twice last week for moving forward with production on her talk show during the writer’s strike.
First, she made a video crying but standing by her decision. After that didn’t work, she reversed the decision and has halted the show. A publicist talked to TODAY about why this was weird as hell in my favorite type of article.
Angelica Ross feuds with AHS’s Ryan Murphy and Emma Roberts.
Let’s start with Ryan. She posted screenshots on Twitter from TWENTY-TWENTY where Ryan contacted her about a Black women-led season of AHS, but then never followed up. She’s now saying that she was “ghosted” and is blaming his lack of communication for her TURNING DOWN roles in MARVEL MOVIES. I literally hate Ryan Murphy so much, but this is high-key ridiculous. Clearly there was no movement on that project, and you have to look out for yourself in Hollywood, so I’m told! Don’t blame other people for your own bad business decisions it’s embarrassing.
Next is Emma Roberts, who I am also very sus of. Angelica shared on an Instagram Live that while filming their joint season of AHS, she and Emma were referred to as “ladies” by their director, when Emma joked “don’t you mean, lady?” Sooooo fucked up but who’s surprised?
Clayton Echard served with paternity lawsuit. Clayton served as The Bachelor in the season that brought us Gabby and Rachel, and ended the season somewhat ignominiously after saying “I Love You” to all three finalists so he could get frisky in the Fantasy Suites.
Now, after splitting from his short-lived engagement with winner Susie Evans, a one-night stand is back with a vengeance. She claims he knocked her up WITH TWINS and is demanding that he take a paternity test, while Clayton maintains he did not have sexual relations with that woman.
Halle Berry slams Drake over photo permissions. Drake is using an iconic photo of Halle Berry getting slimed by Nickelodeon to promote his new single “Slime You Out.” She says he never got her permission, which is a huge dick move! I get pissed when someone even takes a photo of me where I look bad, let alone POSTING said photo, let alone using said photo in global promotional materials.
Taylor Swift Updates:
Tay partners with Google to promote 1989 (Taylor’s Version): The blondie and the nerds at Google created a digital “vault” that users could interact with when they searched “taylor swift.” They would then be met with a word scramble to guess the name of one of Taylor’s newest vault tracks, but the whole thing was super confusing and poorly executed imo. But we ARE getting a song called slut! which is fantastic news.
Travis Kelce reeeeally wants you to think he’s dating Taylor: Look, this guy is clearly ambitious as fuck, and he knows that throwing around a megastar A-lister’s name will get him headlines. He’s already said in interviews that he wants to do film projects after his football career, and this is just a ploy to become culturally relevant outside of sports.
Sophie Turner meets up for a John Tucker Must Die dinner: The girly-pops were spotted dining at - you guessed it - Via Carota just days after the public split between Sophie and Joe. Sophie is a very vocal swiftie, so one has to guess this made her year. This morning, it was made public that Sophie is suing Joe for custody of their two children, who she is seeking to have brought back to England to be with her.
Éva Goicochea Is Caught Red-Handed
Last week, my interview with the founder and CEO of Maude published in the indie media foray Byline. Check out a preview below :)
Before my Zoom with Éva Goicochea, the founder and CEO of sexual wellness brand maude, I considered putting on makeup but didn’t. It felt fruitless – I’d be speaking to a brilliant, glamorous entrepreneur who had probably already finished a dainty cup of chia seed pudding and gone for a three-mile jog in a crisp, matching Athleta set hours before I had even gotten out of bed, motivated only by the generous pour of coconut creamer I’d put in my iced coffee. Contoured or not, who was I trying to fool?
However, when I explained the gist of the Caught Red-Handed series to Éva, she laughed: “It’s funny because I’m not cool at all. And my Gen Z team reminds me of that.”
It’s a big season for Éva and her team. In early August, they launched Stay, a male desensitizing spray, and on September 12th, they debuted their first male-focused device, a vibrating ring called Band, designed for shared stimulation.
“The philosophy is destigmatizing male things that they don’t want to talk about. So that’s maude’s mission: making everything accessible,” Éva tells me.
We also chatted about what Éva gets up to when she takes a much-needed break from revolutionizing the intimacy industry, including the EDM artist she blasts on repeat, her quest to find New York’s finest iteration of her favorite pastry, and that one time she found herself starring on a reality show.
Emma Sharpe: Running an empire as successful as maude comes with stress and pressure. What’s on your pump-up playlist when you need to get yourself in the right headspace for an important buyer meeting or the launch of a new product?
Éva Goicochea: There’s this German DJ called Parra for Cuva, and I listen to his music all the time, kind of on repeat. I’m like, is there something wrong with me? But it helps me.
ES: When it comes to sex on-screen, what’s your go-to rom-com movie?
Éva Goicochea: Oh, yeah. I’m the worst. I love Serendipity. I could watch it every day of my life. I love When Harry Met Sally. I grew up in the era of 80s and 90s rom-coms, so I love all the trash from that time. It’s not trash, actually! They’re classics.
ES: When you get a break from your screens, what have you been reading lately?
Éva Goicochea: I’m a book collector, but I never read them because I read so much on my phone. I just finished The Power of Money. The author is a venture guy, but it’s really about a personal perspective on money and how that applies to the financial world. You don’t have to be an expert to read it; I read it in two or three hours. It’s an easy read.
Prekend Wrapped
Watching: Love Is Blind Season 5 (Netflix) — I’m gonna get cancelled for this, but based on the cast photos this is the ugliest season they’ve ever had. And I’m not saying that these people are UGLY, they are just normal, and normal never ends well on this program. If you’re picturing Tom Brady on the other side of the pod, you’re going to lose your shit when you get out.
Listening: Alix Earle is on the Call Her Daddy podcast as she takes the torch from Alex Cooper. . .do with that information what you will.
Reading: “Jeremy O. Harris, Before And After ‘Slave Play’” (The New Yorker)
