Did I invite you to my barbecue?
Mitchell Musso's Arrest, Foodgod's Sauce Suit, and Uncultured's In & Out List
Wanna know the best thing I learned this week?
I was chatting with my childhood friend Nora, a current Burlington resident, and she told me that under Vermont law, you can’t strip in public (duh) but it’s legally acceptable to leave your house fully naked.
So as long as you have the balls to fully commit to the bit from the jump, you could essentially go about your day like you were in a nudist colony of one.
The Low-Brow Lowdown
Pete Davidson and Chase Sui Wonders break up. Pete is like that girl from your high school friend group who was never single for more than three weeks. She’d be like “God, I just need to be single” and then immediately start dating her ex’s third closest friend.
Bachelorette alum Hannah Brown is engaged. Famous for f*cking in a windmill four times during her 2019 stint as Bachelorette, Hannah Brown has finally found The One, a “model” named Adam Woolard who she’s dated for past two years.
The Late Night Boys start a podcast. To generate proceeds for their writing staffs amid the ongoing strikes, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Oliver, Seth Meyers, and Stephen Colbert have done what any celebrity with a pulse would do: start a podcast.
Strike Force Five features “hilarious and compelling conversations” between the hosts. It’s giving Rachel Sennott in Bodies Bodies Bodies, but I’ll still listen.
The Golden Bachelor cast revealed. ABC’s casting department needs a raise, because the managed to find like fifteen single MILFs aged 60+.
The Idol gets cancelled after one expensive, pathetic season. Are we surprised? But nevertheless, I will still be blasting Lily-Rose Depp’s “World Class Sinner” for the rest of eternity.
Mitchell Musso arrested for drunkenly stealing chips. The Hannah Montana actor was charged with public intoxication and theft after entering a Dallas hotel shirtless, taking a bag of chips from the lobby and opening them. Having spent many summers working at a beachside sandwich shop, this was a common occurrence in my life.
He claims he wasn’t drunk and denies opening chips, calling the employee who alerted the authorities “extremely disgruntled.”
Jonathan Cheban sues a KBBQ sauce for $20M. Our lord and savior Foodgod is going to war with San-J’s Korean Barbecue Sauce, after a glass bottle of their sauce “inexplicably exploded” when he took it out of his fridge, slicing open his hand and causing “significant blood loss.”
According to TMZ, personal losses include his “ability to use his hand in his social media posts, in his advertisements, and in his ability to sponsor various food items.” This has also been a loss to the people, as we have been robbed of the opportunity to see Foodgod ripping apart a string cheese in a Sargento ad.
This week my Caught Red-Handed interview with photographer Tyrell Hampton ran in Byline. I asked him which Dance Mom cast member he related to most, not realizing he was friends with Maddie Ziegler lol.
End of Summer In & Out List
IN
Waffle House
Being a girl’s girl
Lip oil
Getting a divorce
Caesar salad with a side of french fries
Vanna White
Admitting you like ASMR
Calling the paparazzi on yourself
Jigsaw puzzles
Dropping grudges
Having bad taste in music
Artful plating
Liposuction
Boundaryless friendships with women who are in unstable places
Seeing movies in the theater
Girlbossing when the situation calls for it
OUT
Getting “stranded” at Logan Airport
PETA
Disney Channel alumni podcasts
Dating your coworkers
Scamfluencers
Always feeling hungry but not knowing what to eat
Throwing rogue items at concerts
Nepo baby discourse
Open-toed shoes
Threads
Lavish influencer trips
Vitamins
Swifties
Pretending not to be a swiftie
Two-month broker’s fees
Tequila sodas
Prekend Wrapped
Watching: The Pope’s Exorcist (Netflix) — Stop judging me.
Eating: BANGIA
Reading: “Kyle Deschanel, The Rothschild Who Wasn’t” (Vanity Fair) — I know I just said scamfluencers were out lol but I’ll never not read about them.
