5 Sleeper Movies of 2023
Plus Dakota Johnson's sleep sched, North West's rap debut, and Dorito's new collab
Last weekend I was on my most bizarre behavior and stayed at a movie theater in Brooklyn from 1:30 to 9PM. I saw three movies and did not see the sun. And honestly, it was the best day ever — I didn’t have to talk to anyone or think any original thoughts. I highly recommend. End the stigma.
Dakota Johnson sleeps for half her life. In a new interview with The Wall Street Journal, Dakota Johnson shared that sleep is her “number one priority” in life, she can’t function on less than ten hours, and she could easily sleep for 14 hours straight.
Why would you want to sleep that much when you’re that rich? Like, it makes sense for us plebs — our lives are small and sad and we somehow drop $100 every time we leave the house, so maybe it’s better for us to be konked out. But it’s like Tom said on Succession — “being rich is like being a superhero, only better.” Don’t squander it, Dakota!!
Hilary Duff is pregnant for the fourth time. Hey! I’m Hilary Duff! When you say “roll in the hay?” do you realize what you say?! That’s a cute peen, tho.
Cardi B confirms Offset split. She told her fans during an Instagram live that she’s “been single for a minute now.” Same.
North West makes her rap debut. She has a verse on her dad’s new album Vultures, which she performed live last weekend at a listening party in Miami.
"It's your bestie. Miss, Miss Westie. Don't try to test me, it's gonna get messy. It's gonna get messy. Just, just bless me,"
A profound follow up to her original hit, “WHAT ARE THOSE? THEY ARE CLOTHES. AAAAHHHHHH.”
Doritos launches a nacho flavored liquor. The “Doritos Nacho Cheese Spirit” is made with real Doritos and is available for a limited time. The brand recommends the product for Bloody Marys, Margaritas, or to sip neat (ew).
Question for their marketing team: how many brainstorms did you have before landing on Nacho Cheese Spirit? You made something so kooky sound as exciting as Clorox wipes. This could not have been the team that brought us Doritos Locos Tacos, which is a joy to say. Was Jason on PTO that week?! I need to know.
Sleeper Movies of 2023
Here’s five movies I really liked this year that didn’t get enough attention.
Dumb Money
Financial crime comedies have a unique way of nourishing the soul.
Dumb Money is a retelling of Wall Street’s GameStop saga, with Paul Dano starring as Keith Gill, the Redditor credited with driving the GameStop movement.
It’s well-written and high-energy, plus there’s a massive pet pig, chicken tenders dunked in champagne, and Pete Davidson as a shitty DoorDash driver in a rare instance of stunt casting that actually works.
Sick
A straight-to-streaming release at the top of the year, Sick is a genuinely solid horror movie.
It’s set during the height of COVID, and follows two college girls who decide to quarantine together in a one-percenter lake house. It quickly turns into a home invasion movie, which is one of my favorite horror genres because it's the primary thing that actually scares me. Not that secretly having a parasitic twin that lives in your brain and takes over your body to commit murders isn’t also scary, but you know what I mean.
Reality
This is what you point to whenever someone says Sydney Sweeney can’t act.
Reality hit HBO in May with little fanfare, a word-for-word reenactment of NSA whistleblower Reality Winner’s confrontation with the FBI at her home the day she goes to prison.
But confrontation isn’t even the right word — the entire interaction is eerily polite, like if the two minutes of small talk you make with your dentist was extended for an hour. . .and the dentist has a gun.
Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret?
I don’t normally go for these types of family movies, but I randomly saw this during a matinee on a Tuesday when I had no job. I ate a Barebells protein bar during the second act because I didn’t want to spend money on popcorn #sad.
Anyway, I hadn’t read this book so the story was completely new to me. It follows a preteen named Margaret (obvs) who moves from the big city to the suburbs of Jersey where she has to make new friends, explore religion, and try to grow boobs.
Rachel McAdams perfectly plays her mom in that classic, gesticulating with a dish towel type of way.
Leave the World Behind
Leave The World Behind arrived on Netflix last week, to very very mixed reviews.
It comes from the director of Mr. Robot, and stars Julia Roberts as the c*ntiest Park Slopian to ever exist. She takes her family to a luxury AirBnB (but let’s be real, it was probably Vrbo) for a weekend away, but on the first night of their stay, the owners of the house arrive (Mahershala Ali and the girl from Industry) and ask to share the space due to concerns about a blackout.
From that point on, the rubber band doesn’t snap until the film’s divisive final frame.
Watching: May December (Netflix)
Listening: Emma Stone on the Smartless Podcast
Reading: “How An Unfiltered Preteen Became a Social Media Sensation” (WaPo) — Proud to say I was an Evelyn stan from day one.
I loved Leave the World Behind! Though it ended on a pretty unsatisfying note, the whole thing was pretty unique and enjoyable. I get the mixed reviews, they just never tell the whole story.